Acting Like a Monkey

A year or more ago, our third born was struggling with obedience. Nothing out of the ordinary for someone who is six. But, when she would get in trouble, she would feel such strong grief. She would spend days beating herself up over it. She would refer to herself as a "bad girl". Not because we were calling her that. We tried to have an extra gentle manner of correction with her, but she could not separate the act of disobedience from identifying herself as only that.



One day, in a moment of correction, I asked her that if she stood up and held a banana in her hands and walked around the room acting like a monkey, would that make you a monkey? Of course, she responded with a "no". I went on to explain to her that when we fail to obey, it is just how we are acting. It does not make us bad, but we are acting bad. You could see in her eyes that she finally understood. From then on out, we would give her warnings on her behavior by saying, "You are acting like a monkey."





Months went by without me having to say this to her less and less. Sad to say, I didn't even notice how long it had been since I had had to say it. I had just noticed how much more mature she had become. She walked up to me one day and said, "Mom, did you see that I am not acting like a monkey any more?" I stopped right then and showered her with praise. I apologized for not noticing and mentioning sooner how grown up she had become.




Parenting is challanging, but I love using word pictures. It helps each of us process what the other person is saying with out making what they are saying an attack.